My oldest son is leaving for college tomorrow. He is so ready for this and so psyched. I am not ready at all. I’m happy for him, of course, excited, proud—all of that. But ready? Not so much.
This may seem to have nothing to do with favorite movies, but bear with me.
In three years, when our youngest leaves home, my husband and I will experience the more monumental transition to empty-nestdom. But the shift from a foursome to a trio feels pretty dramatic in its own right, and I wanted to honor it in some way.
Some people are surprised to learn that such a bookish family watches so much television. Until recently, however, most of this watching was of movies, not TV shows. Lots and lots and lots of movies. That we watched together, often over dinner.
Earlier this week I solicited a list of movies that all of us have seen and liked, printed out a copy for each person in the family, and asked everyone to rank or comment on the films they thought deserved inclusion in a favorites list.
We can be a fractious family sometimes, but it was remarkable how everyone “got” my project. Each of the guys understood that they were being asked to determine, not their personal favorites, but the family favorites—movies that had entertained all of us nearly equally, or had some staying power in the life of the family afterward (by being often quoted, for instance), or had warranted multiple viewings. The congruence between the four lists was also remarkable. It took me almost no time to arrive at the list I’m offering below.
This isn’t a best-of list—lots of great movies, even great movies we’ve all seen, aren’t included. I also feel compelled to acknowledge that many (most?) of these films contain a lot of violence. I live with three men, okay? To my mind, the violence in these films is not gratuitous; there’s some core of morality behind the stories. Also, my husband and I saw all of these movies with our kids. I like to think that makes a difference. What can I say? They’ve grown up to be peaceable guys.
We’ve been a foursome for almost sixteen years. Starting tomorrow, we won’t be—at least not regularly. In alphabetical order, these are the movies our little family loved the most:
- The Big Lebowski (1998, dir. Joel & Ethan Coen). Surely one of the funniest, most quotable movies ever: “That rug really tied the room together.” “Hey, this is a private residence, man.” And “Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.” We’ve also enjoyed other Coen brothers movies, especially Fargo and True Grit.
- A Bug’s Life (1998, dir. John Lasseter & Andrew Stanton). We love Pixar and have seen nearly everything they’ve produced, but this one, basically a primer on the power of collective action, got top marks in our balloting. Kevin Spacey is pure genius as the villain Hopper. As a preschooler, our older son loved Hopper. One day a little Hopper figurine arrived in the Cheerios box, part of a promotional tie-in. Our son carried that thing around everywhere. He kept losing it (and finding it again), so my husband purchased a back-up from General Mills. Today, our surviving Hopper graces the Christmas tree. Pixar also-rans: The Incredibles, Toy Story (all of them), Up, Wall-E.
- The Godfather (1972, dir. Francis Ford Coppola). Few scenes in film match the tragic grandeur of the famous baptism scene near the end—surely some of the most brilliant film editing and use of movie music ever. Yes, we also saw the sequel. No, we did not think it was even better than Part I.
- Hot Fuzz (2007, dir. Edgar Wright). A send-up of the buddy cop flick that is itself one of the best buddy cop flicks ever made. By far the best work Simon Pegg and Nick Frost have done together. We just saw it again last week as part of our send-off for our college-bound son. “Have you ever fired two guns whilst jumping through the air?” Still awesome.
- In Bruges (2008, dir. Martin McDonagh). For all of the Colin Farrell character’s belly-aching about how Bruges is a “fuckin’ shithole,” this one really made us want to go to Bruges one day. A movie that surprised us for its poignancy and heart. Another highly quotable movie: “Somehow I believe, Ken, that the balance shall tip in the favor of culture….”
- Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-2003, dir. Peter Jackson). I’ll admit it: our family obsession with this series was really my obsession. My family were very indulgent and came along for the ride. I let our older son miss a day of second grade so we could go see The Two Towers on opening day. In 2003, we all dressed up as LOTR characters for Halloween. We own the theatrical release DVDs and the extended editions. We’ve watched all the commentaries for each film. We’ve looked at all the special features. We own all the soundtracks. And some figurines. And three different print editions of the trilogy plus associated books like The Atlas of Middle Earth. Yeah, it was a bit much. But man, was it fun. The new Hobbit franchise just isn’t doing it for us in the same way.
- Modern Times (1936, dir. Charles Chaplin). We watched a lot of silent films when the boys were younger—Charlie Chaplin, Harold Lloyd, Buster Keaton. We own Chaplin’s complete oeuvre on DVD, and he made very few duds. Our younger son dressed up as the Tramp for Halloween one year–none of the kids knew who he was, but the adults loved it. This was a tough choice, but most of us voted for Modern Times and its hilarious, virtuoso critique of the dehumanizing effects of modern industrialization. Honorable mentions in this category: City Lights, The Great Dictator, The Kid. Also Harold Lloyd’s Safety Last! (1923).
- OSS 117 (2006 & 2009, dir. Michel Hazanavicius). These James Bond parodies deserve to be better known in the US. Created by the same director and star of the Oscar-winning The Artist. We loved both the original OSS 117: Nest of Spies and the sequel, OSS 117: Lost in Rio. The “Bambino” scene in the Cairo installment is one of the funniest musical numbers we’ve ever seen. Very French yet very hilarious.
- The Princess Bride (1987, dir. Rob Reiner). Do I even need to explain?
The Seven Samurai (1954, dir. Akira Kurosawa). Our kids were too young to read the subtitles when we first watched this as a family, so my husband and I took turns reading the subtitles aloud. The film is three-and-a-half hours long. Our voices flagged, but the kids’ attention didn’t. They loved Toshiro Mifune’s heroic antics in this film. We also love these Kurosawa films (all of which also star Mifune): Throne of Blood, Hidden Fortress, Sanjuro, Yojimbo. (Just for fun, a compilation of great Mifune moments.)
- Spirited Away (2001, dir. Hayao Miyazaki). Our love affair with Miyazaki started with Totoro and continued with his other films—Kiki’s Delivery Service, Castle in the Sky, Princess Mononoke, Howl’s Moving Castle. But we all agree that Spirited Away has a special magic.
- The Usual Suspects (1995, dir. Bryan Singer). This is the one we saw most recently. Another brilliant turn by Kevin Spacey (alas, no figurine!). Our youngest son says of Usual Suspects that it’s the one film he most wishes he could see again for the first time.
- And finally: The Wire (2002-2008, created by David Simon). I know—not a movie. Yet all four of us independently included this on our lists. We watched all five riveting, heart-breaking seasons of this epic show together. Our younger son was only twelve at the time. Yeah—too young. This sometimes happens with kids of different ages, right? When the parents deem the older child old enough for something, the younger one ends up doing it too. (Similarly, we thought our older one wasn’t ready for Star Wars until he was five—which meant his brother saw it when he was two.) But this long viewing experience elicited more discussion than anything else we’ve ever seen—discussion about story-telling, writing, and acting, but also about urban poverty, violence, race relations, public education, political corruption, moral complexity. We still talk about our favorite scenes (mine: the scene in Season 1 when D’Angelo teaches Bodie and Wallace how to play chess). The show was so good it kind of ruined television drama for us. We still watch, but the verdict is nearly always the same: this is good, but not as good as The Wire.